Jon’s Stone-Cold Quarantine Cop List: 13th Edition
Written by on August 12, 2021
Number 13! Not going to lie, I never expected my attention (or anyone else’s) to last so long that I’d ever be at the 13th edition of something, so pardon me for a moment while I relish in the irony of the old adage that stoners don’t get anything done… Apparently they do when they’re talkin’ weed!
I know times are still tough for us all, and despite having already suffered through around 16 months of the that-which-shall-not-be-named period, things seem just as tremulous as ever, so I’m back again to throw some hot fire at ya. This edition gives a lot of love to the trap, praise to soda, tries to dabble out of state, and includes a Delta variant you’ll actually want to catch, so peep game and let me know if there’s something else that should be on my radar for the next one: @joncappetta
I post about a lot of exciting products for this list, but few are as explosively innovative as this. While I’d heard folklore about this type of doob for years, the mad scientist behind Pixie Stix has finally made it a reality—joints rolled utilizing almost exclusively THC products (save the glass filter of course—you can’t smoke that)—REAL hash-paper joints. Now I’ll admit, I’m a skeptic, so I wasn’t sure if this was going to smash or devolve into a giant mess, but friends, I am pleased to report these things are real hitters. While certainly not an entry level product, Pixie Stix smoke smoother than you’d probably expect, with the hash complementing the buds far more than a paper or even a hemp wrap ever could, but you’ll feel the difference in the high. These guys weren’t kidding with their tag line “for pros only”! These drop in very limited supply so if you ever get the chance to grab one of these DO NOT SLEEP, you’re not going to want to miss it.
I sometimes get slack for talking too much about California, but it’s where I live, so here’s one that, while operational here so I can attest to the quality, is also setting themselves up for a play back east in Massachusetts. The first product line from Belle Fleur, Rapper Weed, is definitely going to make a splash as it launches on the East Coast. Their first two strains, Pink Panties (modeled after the V.S. Aesthetic) and Fonzorelli (after the notorious icon from the cult-classic show Happy Days, Arthur Fonzorelli), are cuts the market is familiar with, and loves, but rebranded in a play to reach a wider audience. While normally I would assume this was some scale move just trying to profit off the game, I know the team behind the brand are true culture guys, so I’m excited to see where they go. As we all know, the right branding can make ALL the difference…
I’m going to start this by saying I’m not here to pitch you moonrocks. While a million people have tried it in the past, I haven’t seen any that I’m stoked about smoking, and I’m not here to shill you on things I don’t personally consume. That said, whatever the hell the Delta Boyz have going on with their Delta Diamonds is most certainly working. While definitely NOT moonrocks, or asteroids, or any of those other products trying too hard, the Delta Diamonds ARE premium indoor flowers that get doused with a healthy coating of water hash. Unlike the other players that coat low grade in disti then throw keef on top to trick you into thinking you’ve got something better than you do, with the Diamonds you can clearly see what you’re smoking—you can even shake / rub off much of the hash if you’re so inclined. Even better, they SMACK—so all those looking to moonrocks when traditional flower just isn’t cutting it anymore, here’s the actual solution to your woes.
Desto Dubb doesn’t stop winning. From the insanely popular That’s An Awful Lot of Cough Syrup clothing, to the music, to his cannabis play That’s An Awful Lot of Gelato (keep an eye out for a story on all that and his rise to stardom coming soon!), it’s clear the man’s hustle knows no bounds. So why should I be surprised that he recently teamed up with Exotic Pop, the hype soda distributors pushing everything from Crip A Cola to Wu-Tang’s Pineapple C.R.E.A.M.? The latest play, That’s An Awful Lot of Pina Colada, seriously tastes like an authentic Pina Colada (just carbonated and bottled), and is definitely going to delight sippers across the nation. While I don’t fuck with lean whatsoever it’s worth noting that this is just bomb ass soda, and no cough syrup is required for others like me who just pack a wicked sweet tooth. Just another stop on Desto’s plot for world domination!
If there’s one takeaway I’m sure you’re getting from each of these lists it’s that flavor is king. While much of the industry is running after THC percentages, this has been the gospel for the gang over at The Cure Company for years, and as such they’ve consistently brought to market some of the newest and most unique varietals, like their cult-favorite Curelato for example (my personal favorite Gelato cut). Knowing these guys’ history it should be of no surprise to our readers that their upcoming line is bringing the heat in a major way, debuting Fritz crosses across the most in-demand strains in the game right now. While Animal Fritz dropped last week, the pure Fritz drops today, and there’s a gang of new cuts coming including Miami Fritz, which is sure to make some real noise out here. If you’re looking for the plug City Compassionate Caregivers in DTLA gets it first, but you’ll be seeing this cut across the retail ecosystem very soon.
Photo courtesy of Royal Key.
Y’all know I’m not the world’s biggest dabber. I love cannabis in all it’s forms, but I just don’t consume concentrates out of rigs very often, it messes with my flower tolerance too much. That said, I HAVE to give a shout out to Royal Key’s latest product Grape Royale, which was processed by Suprize Suprize. I was in the Bay for my dear friend Jimi’s birthday bash, and this product was on the tasting I partook in, and let me just say, this product was MILES above it’s competition. You don’t gotta be a massive dabber to appreciate good terps, and boy these were some of the best I’ve experienced. While I didn’t realize the jar they gave me wasn’t actually for keeps (sorry Jim!), I’m very excited to bust this out from time to time for a special flavor experience – and here’s a public acknowledgement that the Devine Cannabis guru is welcome to any of my terps at any time. (Note: Image is of Zookies extract, not the Grape Royale)
Photo courtesy of Viola.
Keeping with the grape vibes, I want to give a big shout out to the Viola team for once again bringing an exciting one to market. Their latest collaboration will see NBA Icon Allen Iverson enter the cannabis industry, and the first product they’re dropping, ‘96 – in honor of the year the all-star joined the big leagues, is a board-breaker. A grape stomper & secret kush mints cross, the candy nose is strong with this one, with a unique minty finish that will have you huffing the bag trying to lock the flavor into your nostrils. Similar to the Grape Royale mentioned above, the flavor profile on this is so satisfying that I haven’t been able to stop myself from going back repeatedly just for sniffs. Save this cut for the post-game though, because this is not suitable for practice.
I dropped a full review on the new heat from the Jungle Boys last week, but the Sour Apple Killer is so good it’s worth mentioning again (and again, and again!). I’m not shy about the fact that my nose dictates most of my smoking decisions, and this one smells RIPE. They say that most scents people are attracted to have some beauty, and some funk to them, and I don’t know if that’s true but it’s definitely true about this cultivar, and I’m thoroughly attracted to it. Not only that, but it’s also consistently putting me on my ass, which is always an important thing to look for when looking for an evening smoke. Get you some fire to play with.
Another preroll not for the faint of heart, the new line from Heavy Hitters’ is no joke. Infused with THCa diamonds, these one-gram bangers are filled with fan-favorite flowers like Sunset Sherbert and Black Cherry Gelato, and from what I’ve seen they’re all testing above 50 percent THCa. They’re also pushing these across the Sativa to Indica spectrum, with a measure on the back of whether it’s leaning more up-py or down, but you should know that no matter which type you choose, you’re going to be really freakin’ high. Those familiar with the Heavy Hitters’ brand know these guys are known for the strength of their products, and this latest tool in the arsenal lives up to the hype.
Photo courtesy of Stone Road.
I’ve followed Stone Road’s ascension for a while now. They’ve got a great story, their product is quality, everyone I’ve met from the team has been excellent—they’re the kind of people you just want to win. And while I’ve been a quiet consumer for a while now, their latest format is one that I think is worth celebrating. Releasing half-ounce, pre-ground ‘Rollie’ packs, Stone Road has successfully pivoted a familiar product into a more holistic, and healthy one. Maybe it’s because I come from the festival circuit, or because I grew up around cigarette smokers, but there’s something I’ve always found magic about Rollie packs, and the people that can just roll on the fly wherever they are anytime they need a smoke. That takes skill, and actual effort. However, it makes perfect sense for cannabis, and I’m actually a bit surprised we haven’t seen this MORE. That said, Stone Road’s crushing it, and their Banana Split is particularly good for a daytime smoke, should you be so inclined!
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